So last night I finally snapped and decided that I could not read one more freakin’ word out of The Big Grey Book of Fucking Blinding Migraines, a.k.a. Klein’s “Human Career”. I decided to surf the boob tube for a while and ended up watching the most unusual show on TLC. Maybe it was all that baby talk we had on Saturday night, but I just couldn’t stop watching this two-hour documentary on childbirth across the globe. My God! Can I just say how swell we have it here in America? I would definitely consider the good ol’ US as one of the finer places to have a baby, unlike that Afghanistan where a woman pray that her husband doesn’t get his ass blown up by a patriot missile while on the way to the pharmacy TO BUY SUTURES so that the nurses-posing-as-doctors can sew up her uterus. I’m serous, while they were waiting for the husband to get sutures, they were using whatever they could find. I shudder at the thought of having random shit like floss and twist ties holding my womanly parts together. Having a C-section in Afghanistan is not on my list of things to do. And while I’m on the subject, I’m going to make it a point to never have a baby in South Africa, India or Bangledesh. Yep, no place is better for birthin’ babies than American…well, except for Japan. You have to admit, if anyone could turn childbirth into this cool experience, it would be the Japanese. I’m guessing that the negative growth rate makes the baby business really competitive. They showed this woman having a total Enya experience, with soft blue lighting, a big screen with dolphins swimming in the ocean and all kinds of tripped out tranquility crap. Shit, I’d have a baby the Enya way. Plus they got massages and facials as part of the package deal..and it’s all covered by insurance! Fucking fantastic. So, if and when the day ever comes, I’m taking a trip to Japan. And my favorite quote from whole damn thing…”My God, it goes in like a banana and comes out like a damn pineapple!” Amen, sista. So