Ugh, last night sucked.  Well, really, this morning sucks more.  I had contractions all night long.  I kept waking up and going back to sleep, but at about 6, I woke  up and couldn’t go back to sleep and they’d gotten pretty strong.  I actually let myself think “maybe this is it!”.  When Tim woke up at 7:45, I told him that perhaps he should work from home.  Then I had one pretty strong one about 8:10, thought, maybe I’ll take a warm bath to relieve the pain, and then nothing.  They abruptly stopped.  So I told Tim to go to work.  Now I’m just totally depressed, I even cried this morning because I was just so sure that it was going to happen today.  There are signs, but I just think Eunice Tallulah is going to ignore them.

And it gets so much harder everytime someone calls or emails to ask “how are you?  Have you had the baby yet?”  I know it is totally out of my control, but I feel like I am letting down everyone because this baby has not been born yet.  Like somehow my first failure as a mother is not producing the child quickly enough.  The grandmothers, as you would expect, are the worst.  My mother somehow misunderstood that my doctor’s office mandates induction after two weeks, she thought it was only one, so she thought that the latest the baby could be born was next Sunday.  So I think she was really disappointed to find out that we might have to wait another week.  Tim and I are anti-induction because of the extra danger of a c-section it introduces, but I did want to discuss it with my dr yesterday. Unfortunately she was out at the hospital and we saw her PA and I just thought it would be weird to discuss it with her.  Then, the icing on the cake is that I couldn’t get an appointment for next week until Thursday.  So I assume the induction thing is not going to happen. We have an ultrasound this Thursday to make sure everything is okay and there is a sick part of me that hopes they find she’s a little large and decide they should induce.  I know, bad, induction scary!  But I really want her to be born, and if someone else made the decision to induce, I would not have failed in my resolve;)

So please, if you read this blog, do not email or call us to ask if the baby is here yet.  The rational part of my brain knows that everyone is being concerned and caring and loving, but the irrational part of my brain flares up every time I read or hear “is there a baby yet?” or “how are you?”  We have everyone on a list and if you are family you’ll get a call when I go into labor, if you are one of our bestest friends, you will get a personal call telling you when the blessed event happens.  For all our other dear friends, we have a super-duper email list assembled and we will let you know by that ASAP after the birth.  With pictures.  And the name.  I promise!

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Comments

Tara

2006-03-22T19:49:44.000Z

What a crappy night/morning. Has your cold gotten better at least? Hope your throat doesn’t still hurt. You know, if you’re sitting at home bored and stuff, I don’t leave for work until about 2pm. You can call anytime if you just want some company for a little while. Just so you know I’m here for ya’. Well, any day except today, since I have to leave for work in 10 minutes. =)

Marsha

2006-03-23T00:05:24.000Z

I know how miserable this is for you.  Jackson was 8 days late (with 2 preceeding weeks of “pre-labor”) and I truly began to feel like I was going to be pregnant forever.  like, “Ha ha, it was all a big joke, there’s no baby…”  It got to the point that David and I were not allowed to call anyone because they would automatically answer and be all excited thinking he was here or I was at least in labor.  To top it all off, David’s father had to deploy to Iraq for 4 months on  July 10th.  Jackson’s due date was July 6th.  And he wasn’t born till the 14th.  Talk about failing miserably to produce on time. I cried a lot.  But it all turned out ok. 

Hang in there.  It will happen.

Kate

2006-03-23T01:41:00.000Z

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a crappy night and morning.  I don’t have any advice other than to say you’re fabulous and I am sending big hugs.  And I promise not to call.  :)