Ever feel like you’re just about to go crazy and just have to get out of your own skin?  Like you’re bursting and about to explode.  And you don’t know what it is that you need, but just something.  Maybe to fly away, maybe to dance until you collapse, maybe to drink, fuck, yell, you don’t know.  But if you don’t do something you’ll go insane.  Like you’re stuck in a box and you need something, anything to HAPPEN!  And you listen to music that gets you riled up and it just makes it worse, because the anglophile rock you listen to is all about unresolved crescendos.  What you need is some good punk, some good screaming.  But in the meantime, oh, I love this song, “Smile like you mean it…”

I need some live music, I need a concert, that’s what I need.  To dance and feel my ears ring and pound my feet until they hurt.  I think that’s why concert tickets are my big expenditure.  There’s always excitement and anticipation and a bit of hero worship as well.

Maybe it’s just because this week has been interminable.  TGIF and all that.  Maybe it’s that damn play I saw last night that really didn’t impress me all that much but was all about wishes and desires.  Maybe it’s that I’m not rehearsing for a play right now and feel kind of disjointed.  I dunno.  But it’s driving me INSANE!

Okay, that’s my Friday rant.  Back to your regularly scheduled program.

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Comments

Julie

2005-03-04T23:05:43.000Z

I didn’t realize I used that many exclamation points.  That should be a crime or something.  I apologize.

I got to see a movie at the new Alamo Drafthouse last night and it is freakin’ cool!  My boss is friends with the owner, so we got to go to the pre-grand opening test run.  $1 drinks and food and $1 admission.  We saw Deathrace 2000, which rocked.  Roger Korman is the man!  The place looks great, with film reel lights on the walls, stadium seating, and absolutely HUGE bathrooms.  No more waiting forever for a toilet or holding it until you get home.  AND, extra bonus, it’s less than 15 minutes from my house.  Yay!  Sadly, though, the food isn’t very good, but that’s never why you went to the alamo, was it?  They’ve got a ton of beers on tap, what more could you ask for?   For those rare occassions when I venture out to the movies, I will be going to the Alamo South Lamar!

(On another note, go rent Deathrace 2000 if you’ve never seen it.  It’s got a very young Sylvester Stallone, David Carradine, and more gratuitious violence and boobies than you can shake a stick at.  Plus, it’s really quite funny and made me realize that America has always had an irrational hatred of the French.)

I am inspired by Travis’ latest post to write a post about a play I saw recently which, surprisingly, deeply affected me.  But first, I want to address something I found interesting.  I always just rattle off some pithy title first, before I write the post, rather than Travis’, who said he writes the post, then comes up with the title.  Interesting how different people approach blog writing.  Of course, now that I said that, I can’t think of a title for this post.  But I’ll work on that later.

I saw “Blown Sideways Through Life” last week and was surprisingly affected by it.  It’s a one-woman monologue written by Claudia Shear, who had 64 jobs by the time she was 34.  The play is basically about that.  And it’s a messy script, full of problems and non-sequiters and a too shiny happy people ending, but it got me anyway.  I’m sure it didn’t hurt that Barbara Chisholm was absolutely incredible in the role.  I got the feeling in the beginning that she’d been directed to be too broad and it felt a little forced, but once she got into the groove, she was hilarious, and very moving.  I think I was most shocked by the dramatic moments in the play.  The woman in the play is an actress, and she describes an audition pitch-perfect;  the nervousness, the self-doubt, the “why the hell do I do this again???”, then she says that despite all that, the 5 minutes of the audition are the best part of her day.  So true.  I really choked up during that, it got me, and it especially sucked because the play was in the round and so the other side of the audience could see me, plus I was by myself so they probably thought, what a poor lonely woman.  Not that I really care.  Anyway, then she described working at the Shakespeare festival and the feeling she got from that and I thought that was moving and inspiring too. 

I needed to be re-inspired about theatre again, honestly.  I’ve been feeling a bit disillusioned and totally sick of it.  After I Am Alpha failed to get the audience it deserved, and people who I thought supported my theatre and that I’d supported in the past did not come to see it with nary a made-up excuse, I was really pissed.  I thought, “screw it, I’m through busting my butt for theatre, it just leaves me exhausted, deeper in debt, and my garage a mess.”  On top of Alpha posting a huge loss, Silent Treatment, which I was supposed to be acting in in April, got cancelled due to various factors.  So I feel really transient right now.  But Blown Sideways made me remember what had attracted me to theatre in the first place, the way I felt back in high school simply being in the theatre.  The home and community I found there.  You should go see it if you can.

So I’m finally listening to DangerMouse’s Grey Album (the mix of The Beatles’ White Album with Jay Z’s Black album) and it is really fantastically good.  Maybe because I’m a white chick I just need some guitar with my rap or something to like that.  But I’m not a fan of either the Beatles or Jay Z, so I’m really surprised at how much I like this.  If you haven’t checked it out, you should.  Who cares if it’s illegal?  F the man!

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Comments

Jeff

2005-02-18T00:48:08.000Z

Remember, when you listen to illegal Beatles samples/remixes you’re not just pissing off Paul McCartney, you’re pissing off Michael Jackson at the same time! Double bonus.

A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.  I was deeply saddened at the news that Arthur Miller died.  One of the last great American playwrights of the 20th century is gone.  I’ve seen so much theatre lately that is artsy for artisness’ sake, that doesn’t tell a story, that doesn’t get you to care about the characters.  When I get to see some great work by the old guard; Horton Foote, Tennessee Williams, Miller, I am reminded of what good drama is.  When I go see a play by one of these masters, even if the production has problems, I know I’ll be entertained, entranced, moved.  These are scripts so powerful they can be performed on a blank stage with no props or production values and you will still feel for the characters.  I think it’s difficult for modern playwrights to write works like that because we think it’s all been done before.  All the great relationship plays have been written.  But I hope they haven’t.  RIP, Arthur Miller, you bookish iconoclast, you old bastard.

I think it’s a stupid phrase.  You can’t market weirdness.  But I saw something pretty weird today.  Leslie was wearing a fitted red suit jacket, red panties, HORNS and carrying two bicycle tires.  Just walking to the bus stop.  Why, I don’t know.  But he constantly amazes me.

There are some crazy idiots on cellphones out there.  Just while driving to and from lunch, I saw 4 people on cellphones do outrageously stupid things.  First, a guy just sailed straight through a red light like it was green, didn’t even tap the brake.  Then a woman in the Book People parking lot nearly got into a head-on collision with me because she wasn’t paying attention, then a woman in the same Book People parking lot cut me off, completely oblivious because of her, I’m sure, totally engrossing conversation, then a woman pulled out of a parking garage, right in front of me.  The culprit, you guessed it, a cell phone.  It seemed every person I saw was on a cell phone.  They need to outlaw those damn things while driving!  I think cell phones are the single worst invention of the 20th century.

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Comments

Tim

2005-02-02T21:30:46.000Z

well more or less:

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=463588

tarv

2005-02-03T14:41:25.000Z

Are you sure?  I mean, I see your point and all, but what about the H-bomb?  Or any bomb for that matter?  Or guns?  Or H2’s?  Now that you mention it, the 20th was quite the century for dangerous inventions. 

-t

Jeff

2005-02-03T21:11:23.000Z

It’s worth considering that a good number or drivers period are either morons, assholes or both, cellphone use notwithstanding. I see people try to run cars off the road, blaze through red lights and generally make asses of themselves in their cars every day without the aid of a cell phone. It’s easy to pin stupid vehicular behavior on the phones… such an optimist that Julie, assuming that these folks would all be courteous and responsible driving citizens if it weren’t for those damn mobiles!

Tim

2005-02-03T21:47:17.000Z

when we arrest them. Just because they’re a bad driver, doesn’t mean it’s acceptable for them to get on a cell phone. Nor does it change the fact that cell phones affect people like drinking. There are some people who are fantastic at drinking and driving, and talking and driving, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t have less of a reaction time.

tarv

2005-02-04T00:38:50.000Z

Don’t we have this discussion about once a year?  I think last time it was via email.

Dude, I am so huge.  Not huge, like fat, but huge like built on a different frame.  I was in a movement rehearsal last night for the new play I’m in and the room was, unfortunately, mirrored.  All the other women in the cast are diminutive (okay, teensy tiny), in frame and mostly diminutive in stature.  In the midst of them, standing two or more heads taller and at least a hip or two wider was me.  I looked like I had come into their city to pick them up and rip them apart with my bare hands.  It did not help that I was wearing movement clothes which have a tendency to make me look like I’ve suddenly gained 200 pounds.  Hell, I’m less embarrased about being naked than I am about wearing freakin’ workout clothes.  I was feeling just a wee bit self conscious, moving among the villagers as I was in my monster state, afraid they’d start chasing me with torches and spikes, driving me back to my monster castle on the hill.  But now that I am back in civilian clothes and among people who eat a steak every once in a while, for God’s sake, I feel a bit better.  Thank God these movement classes are only once a week.  Roar, watch out, I will eat your village you puny humans!

Walking down 6th street in the middle of the day is an experience that makes you realize there are a lot of people out there who have had very difficult lives.  You can see it in the the grime that seems to be performanently creased into the lines on their faces, in their blank eyes, in their plastic grocery bags filled with their belongings.  Where do they go each day?  What do they think?  Where did they start to end up here, meandering down sixth street with nowhere to go, tattoos of tears and diamonds on their faces?  What state were they in that they let someone put tattoos on their faces?  Even the street itself looks sad and dirty, especially on a day like today when the sky is gray with clouds and soot.  And I hate that I feel fear sometimes when I’m walking among them and all the tourist and businesspeople seem to have disappeared and it’s just me and the forgotten street people.  I can drown them out, turn up my headphones and concentrate on the rhythm.  But I can’t turn them off.  Can’t pretend they aren’t there.  Who was the first person to fail them?  Who was the last?  Who was the one that failed them so badly, they’ve never recovered?

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Comments

some weirdo in a weird mood, ok its smashley

2005-01-13T18:36:58.000Z

They are in that general area in higher numbers because the Salvation Army center where they can rest and eat is just a few blocks away.  If I learned anything during my few years with United Way it is that there are resources, though limited, for help and there are people who really do care.  It is the non-profits of our country that take the rough edge off of capitalism and smooth out the wrinkles in this free market. 

One day I walked out from work at United Way (east austin) and there was a man bleeding from the head in the middle of the street.  I whipped out my cell phone and called 911 while standing at his feet.  While I talked to the dispatch I sized him up; bicycle laying next to him, police monitor on his ankle.  When they asked me what color he was (and yes, they really did) I said black and they replied they would send the police as well.  Sigh.  But when they told me to stop his bleeding I said no, I dont want to touch his blood.  He had a towel in his pocket and since he had regained consciousness I told him to hold it to his head.  At that point he was pissed and yelling at me and the few people who had gathered around.

Did I feel guilty for not wanting to touch him?  Oh hell yeah.  But that was my instinct.  And so when you are chilling, walking around downtown and you see people who make you nervous, dont be ashamed - its your survival instinct. Because if memory serves me well it was a homeless man who went down 6th street one night, in the crowd, and stabbed everyone he passed - about 5 people.  While that was a very random act and no way does it mean that homeless people are armed and dangerous, it does not hurt to be aware of your surroundings.

Oh and I blame Reagan.

Ugh, i forget how much I HATE the holidays.  I always think I like them, then I remember all the stress they generate.  Add this on top of the fact that my work is running me ragged and I’m in meltdown land.  My shoulders and neck are as hard as rocks.  After spending the last two days burning 120 cds and mailing them off because my boss said they needed to be out by the end of the day today, he tells me there was supposed to be a card that was supposed to go with them.  Would have been nice if you could have told me about this BEFORE I MAILED THEM.  Thanks for the update!  The guy who was helping me, guiding me through the process didn’t know about these cards, and my boss passed my office for the last two freakin’ days without mentioning a word about them!  Everytime you pass my office, I’m buried in cd’s, stuffing them, burning them, etc, and you forget to mention there’s a card?  Hello!  So now, who knows what the hell’s going to happen?!  I’m just so angry.  And don’t even let me get started on the fact that because I started on January 14th, not January 1st last year, I only get 6 months of profit sharing bonus.  That’s my boss’s fault for taking 3 months to hire me.  Or the fact that I get half everyone else because I’m a lowly secretary.  ARgh!  I know, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.  And I’m happy about it, consider myself lucky to work somewhere where I get a bonus at all.  But I have a really stressful weekend ahead, too.  I’m really looking forward to having 4 days off for christmas though, I plan to do as little as possible (besides the alamo midnight christmas eve showing of The life aquatic, ROCK!)  Also, might check out Santa’s Ranch, which sounds like kitschy light heaven from the Flarson’s report.  I need to freakin’ do yoga or something.  Instead, I keep eating the candy that is being brought into our office daily.  Bad, bad, bad Julie!